The Conceited Mentality of Doubting God

Something struck me the other day as I was berating myself for doubting God’s plan in my life: wow, I must be some kind of egomaniac! I’ll explain:

I have lots of goals, dreams, and ambitions. Running my own business (working on it, still need to take that giant leap of faith to prove if it will succeed or fail), having a consistent, recognizable podcast (stay tuned!), and starting a family. 3 massive goals, and lots of excuses for why they have not come to fruition. 

With the business, I sometimes doubt that my ambitions are any more than that “typical millennial mentality” that thinks I am somehow exempt from working that 9-5 doing something I am not passionate about, all with or for people that don’t necessarily agree with how I see the world. I mean money is good, but at what point do we as CHRISTIANS set aside our morals and principles for profits? 30 pieces of silver seems a good price to many that I know. 

But I don’t want to go down that road. I think trusting in God can make business and profit possible without forgoing everything we say we believe in. My doubting nature then creeps into my mind, telling me if these Christians I know find it necessary to lie and deceive customers in the name of profit, maybe there really is no way to make it without doing things I am not willing to do (morally speaking), so I should just continue to work under other people and let them make that call. 

With the goal of having a podcast, which started from being told for years I should be on radio ( I guess I have that radio voice?), I want to have a show that is widely appealing, but at the same time, specific to entrepreneurship and freedom. Did the Pilgrims come over to the New World, try for a few months at growing their own crops, then when that failed decide to go work at Walmart to make ends meet? Obviously no. It was life or death, success or death, pretty much any other outcome besides success was (you guessed it) DEATH. But guess what, they were free. They chose to come here, and millions of Americans try to take the entrepreneur’s road, and relatively few succeed. My goal for a podcast would be to make starting a business fun, the possibility of failure real, and removing the stigma of trying and then choosing to scrap that idea. I know there are wise and experienced business owners who would love to sit down over a cup of coffee or a beer and talk about the good times and bad of owning a business. I mean, how many business owners have you run across that don’t jump at the chance to talk about their own businesses??

And the third goal, the goal that made writing and finalizing this blog a two-week process: finding a wife and settling down. Its a scary thought, and a thought that doesn’t always bring about this comforting feeling of “it’ll all work out in the end.” I have my doubts, and I think the root of that doubt is doubting what I even want. There are so many thoughts and emotions that come into my mind when I think about what I want in a wife; who she is, how she treats me, how she treats other people, what she looks like, what she sounds like, her career choice (or lack of?), her childhood, her family…it goes on and on. 

But in the end, my faith tells me that God will work everything out for the good of those that believe in Him. He gives us the desires of our hearts. If we knock, the door will be opened to us. God has already done so many good things in my life, despite the fact I am not worthy of such favor. Yet, somehow I still doubt Him. And it occurred to me the other day, that I am literally telling God, “You are all-powerful. You can do anything, I know that. But your power stops at me. Your ability to work things for the good of those who believe in you is all-encompassing…except for me. I am the exception to your power, your love, your grace, and your mercy.”

And those words hit me hard, and I haven’t been able to get it out of my brain since it hit me one Saturday morning while I was driving with breakfast tacos and my dog in my truck. The weather was nice, and I was trying to decide if I really believed my life COULD get any better, while at the same time wondering if I deserved for it to or not. The answer is simple, none of us deserve life, period, let alone a successful, enriched, fulfilling life. Such a life isn’t owed to us, we aren’t entitled to the life of luxury. We have to go out there and earn it, be better than the competition, offer a product nobody else is offering to the market, speak with a voice nobody else is using, and be the man or woman no other person has been to the soul-mate God has lined up for you. 

 


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